I've been trying to be mindful of thoughts, and moods for the last few days, watching doggedly to keep my mind on where it needs to be, looking ahead and not dwelling on present fears, or insecurities being thrown about by the ego trying to maintain hold of my conciousness. I've had some relapses, but also catching them after a brief period of time, and not letting thoughts and negative programming derail my plans and allow me to wallow for hours or even a day or more on non-truths. It's going to take time, but my psyche is strengthening, it isn't subjective observations and opinions of the self, but rather, concrete, objective responses and reactions by others that I see fairly regularly. It's been said by more than one person that they notice slight changes in my behavior, and attitude. A seemingly more self-aware, and more importantly, self-assured ease that comes with a quiet confidence. Not an insecure, narcassiticly based conceit. An unspoken strength that provides freedom to give opinions and speak thoughts that ordinarilly wouldn't be acknowledged. It isn't an all the time attitude, not yet anyways. It'll take some time to, but there is a medium, a point where sarcasm can and will be used, and also allowing the bs to be confronted when needed. Yes, I'm still striving towards that ideal self that hasn't yet fully been developed in my subconscious mind's eye, though every moment the image gains clarity, a combination of a youthful vigorous passion for life with the innocence of youth, built on a foundation of strength, belief, faith, and certainty.
Being powerful is much greater than being forceful, one is truth and unshakable, the other is shallow and empty.
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