Invisible

As I dream at night
I see the source of my fright
The birth of all my fears
Deeply rooted in your snears
Why don't you see
What you've done to me
Will you ever believe
In all I can achieve?
When will my silent tears
Be replaced by echoes of cheers
Pain hidden deep in my core
I cant bury it anymore
Do you see
How you've rejected me
What's it take
For your faith to not be fake
All I want so desperately
For you to truely accept and encourage me

written April 6, 2010

To be free

I knew it was a stage
When I wasn't full of rage
I'm pursuing a dream
Yet I only want to scream
I wan to be free
From your standard of mediocrity
I'm tired of your endless abuse
So i ask, What's your excuse
I just want you to be fair
Yet you always compair
You fight for me to be ordinary
Yet I know I can be exemplary
I'm clearly not your chosen one
I'm close to being totally done
I've seen life without you
And it was quite a view
Oh how I long to say
That I'm just walking away
What will it take
A leap of faith to make
For me to break free
From your life of misery

written April 19, 2010

what to say

How many times do we say YES to a job, a new relationship, etc. that we instinctively just know is absolutely and totally WRONG for us, instead of saying NO! Only to later realize just how right we were in the beginning and just didn't listen to ourselves. It's a difficult lesson to learn, often times with emotionally, physically, or financially painful, usually painful in all of those ways. It's amazing how incredibly empowering it is to KNOW what the right choices are for ourselves, your humble author especially, and actually have the fortitude to ACTUALLY DO IT!! Especially in the face of potential and probable criticism, doubts and outright hostility. It's so incredibly worth facing all of that though, because those reactions will NOT be the only ones, there will be those voices of encouragement, and support. Both reactions will probably happen, but it's better to face them, than remain silent, and be pushed towards a life of unfulfilled dreams, and chances not taken. Life is a beautiful experience, live it fully, on your own terms.

days like today

It doesn't happen often anymore. But on days like today, for short time frames, no more than a few hours, the weight of the past feels almost as if it'll crush me. I think about how my life was, and compare it to what my present life consists of. I've heard that there is a reason for everything, and it's up to us to find it. I still find myself asking the questions that start with the two small, but huge words, "what if....?" Having the confidence that I do now, and seeing myself as more than capable, but also self-empowered enough to say "you don't think I can, you don't even want me to try, well then stay out of my way, because there's no way your limited thinking is going to stop me. Your opinion is irrelevant and will not become my reality." It's finally thinking, believing, and also feeling, strong enough to say that, it makes me wonder, how different would my life be now? I can't change what's already happened. Some of it I would change, some of it I wouldn't. All I can do now is create a new history by making different, better choices now, so in the future, rather than have a history of setback, heartache and dreams delayed, I have dreams achieved, and peace of mind...and can be completely free from a past that at times comes back as an increasingly crushing weight.

I want, almost more than anything for your encouragement. Yet, when you give it to me, because of everything else you've said and done, I don't believe you really mean what you say...I'd rather you not say anything at all.

take a chance

A wise man once said
Do not wait til your almost dead
Chase a dream, do it now
You've nothing to lose, anyhow
There may be some pain,
But in every life, there is a little rain
When it comes to making a choice
Always heed your inner voice
At an opportune moment, take that chance
It's not here out of happenstance
Rather than following simple math
Its better to blaze your own path
Go ahead, and at least try
You never know how high you'll fly!
No matter what, do not fret
It's not something you'll regret.
Some may say it's full of strife
But who wants an ordinary life?
Chase a dream, do it now
You've nothing to lose, anyhow