days like today

It doesn't happen often anymore. But on days like today, for short time frames, no more than a few hours, the weight of the past feels almost as if it'll crush me. I think about how my life was, and compare it to what my present life consists of. I've heard that there is a reason for everything, and it's up to us to find it. I still find myself asking the questions that start with the two small, but huge words, "what if....?" Having the confidence that I do now, and seeing myself as more than capable, but also self-empowered enough to say "you don't think I can, you don't even want me to try, well then stay out of my way, because there's no way your limited thinking is going to stop me. Your opinion is irrelevant and will not become my reality." It's finally thinking, believing, and also feeling, strong enough to say that, it makes me wonder, how different would my life be now? I can't change what's already happened. Some of it I would change, some of it I wouldn't. All I can do now is create a new history by making different, better choices now, so in the future, rather than have a history of setback, heartache and dreams delayed, I have dreams achieved, and peace of mind...and can be completely free from a past that at times comes back as an increasingly crushing weight.