A new awakening...

I've been seemingly skimming along at rock bottom for a while now...clinging onto every bit of "sanity" I could for a while now. And at finally what may very be final resolution to every struggle of my psyche, and deep ache that seems to stretch down into the depths of very core of my soul, that's it. There it is. The answer was sooo simple and staring me right in the face, I didn't see it. Even if I had seen it, I just didn't get it...or couldn't get it because I wasn't ready for it. I think at least til now. The manic states, they didn't make sense...I could't understand what was happening to me emotionally or mentally. Even now, I'm not sure I fully comprehend the signifigance of everything in these last few months, or even years. I've had episodes of manic psychosis, I think is the term psychiatrists and psychologists both would use alike to describe my mental state. It very much so, and luckily, I didn't say anything about taking mind altering drugs as would have been prescribed by those "experts" who seek to help but do so in a completely misguided form and fashion. Those meds, dull the mind, sedate the spirit that is itself trying to break through and release itself from the bounds of its suppression that is fully being perpetuated by the ego. Yes, there it is, for any and all of you who may or may not stumble upon my rants and raves, especially this one. Pay close attention especially if this purtains to you,(yes you, the one reading this, saying, I'm not crazy). That's exactly right. You aren't crazy at all. It's quite simple really...what you're going through is a very healthy process, the process of healing. A healing and a rebirth spiritually that the mind simply is unable to come to grips with, and those well meaning but misguided "mental health professionals" that want to give dose after dose of chemicals that will subdue this process aren't helping the process, but rather, hindering it to an exponential degree!!! Doing so isn't intential, it's simply because they don't fully comprehend the events going on in one's soul....read correctly, they haven't got the foggiest idea of what the hell is going on. The soul longs to be free of the ego, and manic states are when that happens. Past emotional hurts are healed and released, the part of the soul that went undeveloped is allowed to be integrated into the psyche. That's what I've been experiencing at a level that I didn't realize was possible. It's been quite surreal I tell you...and I haven't even begun to go into hypnotherapy for past life analysis, something I've only recently begun to learn about. I believe it to be a very real experience, as are near death experiences. People that have those are simply sent back to their present form due to the fact that they aren't finished with the lessons that they've come here to learn. So, while seemingly at a point where I'm not sure any lower could be gone to, it may exist, however, I know I'm at a point where my truest of destinies, the highest calling of my life is about to begin. I'm not an old soul, but rather, feeling like I'm more connected to the origins of my soul now than ever before...and ready to begin the journey of not only further connecting to those origins, but also preparing myself for the task of those who seek that connection, also are having episodes where the soul breaks through the ego's grip on "reality" and all the trappings that modern society seemingly dictate we all must do and have to be considered "normal."