Totally and completely powerless is how I felt...almost as if I was instantly transported back in time and changed from the person I am now, to that scared little kid. As soon as those emotions ebbed, they were immediately replaced by a rage. So hot it felt like it was going to burn a hole in the center of my chest. Rage towards her, and also to myself...how could I surrender all my strength in a split second to some one who's lack of faith in self and any one or anything is nearly total...a life's philosophy and bankrupt personal philosophy. A belief system tied not to a belief in a religious perspective, even a spiritual one for that matter, but largely, if not completely tied to income and the amount shown on a bank account statement. My self esteem, and self image are some what in limbo as I go through a belief review so to speak. It was thrown in my face that I'm in school, the very idea of taking on more debt unthinkable, God forbid pursue goals, dreams at a time when the opportunity presented itself as if on a silver platter sent from above. No surprise, in the past the encouragement offered was based on how impressive the goals pursued were in the eyes of others, and for no other reason. That hasn't changed, no matter how much I want it to, sadly, it never will. I've reached the point where I don't give a damn about that. It was said to not go back to school in the spring, F*