Ready for a change...

All defenses have been stripped away...lost, forgotten and deeply buried and repressed memories race to the surface. Bits and pieces mostly, but enough to churn stomachs. So much hurt, and shame felt with these pictures. A silent nightmare, long repressed, buried and hidden. Heartache that burns with a white hot intensity that seared holes into the very core of my soul. Holes that were filled in for protection, out of fear, inadequacy, rejection are there masked by behavior patterns that are self-sabotaging in nature, from feeling unworthy of having success.. Seeking to fill a role, to have an identity that is accepted. Now that role is not acceptable...reshaping of the self is met by resistance, and disbelief. Believing myself inferior and inadequate. Built on insecurities and reinforced by self-sabotaging behaviors that were adopted to play a role, and hopefully, gain acceptance. Wanting to do better, believing I can do better, bolstered by doing what has to be done to show that belief and deliver the results to demonstrate its truth, has to begin now. This is when it counts. It will not be easy, but it's got to better than feeling like and living like this!!