At what point in time does it make sense to let go and stop holding on? How do you go about rejecting rejection and accept what is and move on? I've been through it all before, but this time, why does it hurt so much more? And so much more deeply? What do you do if you truely believe you found your other half, the person exactly matched for you, and then they just disappear from your life? You know people will say...let her go, she doesn't deserve you, etc. But it doesn't change, or take away that feeling of being incomplete, and somewhat empty inside. Burying yourself in school work, or other activities might help, but only so much, and for only so long. Then what? Finding some one new, is an option, but that's not even very appealing.

As the expression goes, if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back, it was meant to be. So, I'm doing my best to do just that. I've had my heart broken by failed relationships, setbacks and disappointments, but the level that it's going to now surpasses all of the previous times. By far. I type these words through blurred vision of an overflow of tears that hopefully will be cathartic, and hope to awake in the morning to find a new sense of purpose, to be the man I can be, must be, to find a love like that again. Who knows, maybe it'll be her, maybe some one else. One thing I do know for certain, is each heartache opens me up to greater love, heightened understanding, and deeper compassion. Not only of myself, but of and for others. It may have benefits longterm, but that still doesn't make the short term any easier.


It does beg the question, if someone isn't willing to stick around and be there for the struggles, as I try to put my life together, designing it, as it can be, not as others lead me to believe it should be, do they have the right to be able to share in the victories over those struggles? That answer will be revealed in God's timing.